Ex- England leader Lewis Moody has revealed he has been found to have motor neurone disease and admitted he cannot yet confront the full consequences of the muscle-deteriorating condition that ended the lives of fellow rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The 47-year-old athlete, who was a member of the 2003 Rugby World Cup-winning side and won several English and European titles with Leicester, appeared on BBC Breakfast a fortnight after learning he has the disease.
"There's something about looking the future in the face and not wanting to really process that at the present time," he commented.
"This doesn't mean I don't understand where it's progressing. We comprehend that. But there is certainly a hesitation to face what's ahead for now."
Moody, conversing with his wife Annie, says conversely he feels "at ease" as he concentrates on his immediate health, his family and planning ahead for when the disease worsens.
"Maybe that's shock or maybe I process things differently, and once I have the information, it's simpler," he added.
Early Indications
Moody discovered he had MND after observing some weakness in his upper arm while training in the gym.
After physiotherapy failed to improve the issue, a series of scans indicated neural pathways in his neurological system had been damaged by MND.
"You're given this diagnosis of MND and we're understandably quite moved about it, but it's rather peculiar because I think nothing's wrong," he remarked.
"I don't experience ill. I don't experience unwell
"The signs I have are rather minimal. I have a small amount of muscle deterioration in the hand area and the shoulder region.
"I continue to be capable of performing all activities. And optimistically that will carry on for as long as is attainable."
Illness Advancement
MND can progress swiftly.
According to the organization MND Association, the condition takes the lives of a one-third of people within a twelve months and above half within two years of identification, as eating and breathing become harder.
Treatment can only retard deterioration.
"It's not me that I feel sad for," commented an moved Moody.
"It's about the sadness around having to break the news to my mum - as an only child - and the consequences that has for her."
Household Effect
Talking from the family home with his wife and their family dog by his side, Moody was consumed with sentiment when he discussed informing his sons - teenage Dylan and 15-year Ethan - the heartbreaking news, saying: "That represented the toughest thing I've ever had to do."
"They're two excellent boys and that was quite heartbreaking," Moody stated.
"We positioned ourselves on the sofa in tears, Ethan and Dylan both wrapped up in each other, then the dog jumped over and commenced cleaning the moisture off our faces, which was rather funny."
Moody stated the focus was remaining in the present.
"There exists no solution and that is why you have to be extremely militantly concentrated on just accepting and savoring all aspects now," he commented.
"According to Annie, we've been very blessed that the sole decision I made when I concluded playing was to devote as much period with the kids as feasible. We won't recover those periods back."
Athlete Connection
Top-level athletes are unevenly influenced by MND, with investigations proposing the incidence of the condition is up to 600% elevated than in the wider community.
It is thought that by limiting the air obtainable and creating damage to neural pathways, consistent, strenuous physical activity can activate the illness in those already predisposed.
Rugby Playing Days
Moody, who gained 71 England selections and toured with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was nicknamed 'Mad Dog' during his playing career, in recognition of his brave, persistent style to the game.
He competed through a fracture of his leg for a period with Leicester and once caused a workout confrontation with team-mate and friend Martin Johnson when, annoyed, he discarded a training equipment and began throwing himself into physical contacts.
After coming on as a replacement in the Rugby World Cup decisive match win over Australia in 2003, he won a ball at the rear of the set piece in the decisive moment of play, setting a foundation for scrum-half Matt Dawson to advance and Jonny Wilkinson to score the match-winning drop-goal.
Support System
Moody has earlier informed Johnson, who led England to that championship, and a few other former colleagues about his diagnosis, but the others will be finding out his news with the broader public.
"There will be a moment when we'll need to lean on their backing but, at the present, just having that kind of affection and acknowledgment that people are there is all that matters," he stated.
"This game is such a wonderful group.
"I said to the kids the other day, I've had an amazing life.
"Even if it concluded now, I've enjoyed all of it and embraced all of it and got to do it with remarkable people.
"Being able to call your passion your career, it's one of the greatest honors.
"To have done it for so extended a time with the teams that I did it with was a delight. And I know they will want to support in every way they can and I look forward to having those discussions."
